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Sat 05 Nov 2011
Old Alleynians 
1st XV
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Old Alleynians 0 FRFC 0
Phil Cooper5 Nov 2011 - 18:51
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Ref awards Stones their 11th consecutive victory as Darren Molloy shows the depth of his squad
Folkestone march into the 3rd Round of the RFU Senior Vase after another comprehensive victory which saw coach, Darren Molloy, bringing some fresh faces into the squad to see how they fared. He must have come away from this game very satisfied indeed.
Folkestone hit the road running after a superb kick off from Christian Sangiuseppe. The bald,fat former lothario has a secret weapon that everybody fears. And today it worked a treat as the Old Alleynians line collapsed when he burped just before kicking the ball high in the air. The stench of garlic destroyed everybody it went near. Even 9 of the home supporters were rushed to hospital with oxygen masks firmly fixed to their faces as they fought for breath. The ball came down into the waiting arms of winger, Billy Usher who hit the Nitrous button to launch himself down the pitch. Nobody could get near him as he sped through the posts. Unfortunately Usher is extremely stupid and forgot to touch the ball down as he ran into the woods next to the pitch where he stayed for about 20 minutes as the wind got up.
Despite being down to 13 men and Alan Schofield Folkestone were still on top of this game. Old Alleynians took the 22 drop to clear their line but they were soon back in defence as new signing, Tony Selman grabbed the ball in his free hand. And despite brushing his luxurious bouffant he sprinted down the opposite touchline to where Usher was. A special Decontamination Team from the Chemical Warfare Department in Dover had turned up to thoroughly cleanse the woodland on that side of the pitch. Selman, who is no relation to 70’s actor Tony Selby offloaded the ball to Andy Dagger who passed it on to Dave Roseveare telling him to “deal with it”. And that’s what the Silver Fox did. Special credit to Rosevaere who interrupted a leisurely game of golf to make the trip with the Stones. Rosevaere made it into the home 22 before being desperately pulled down. Luckily Alex Ruddock had just given up with his attempts to get the 2nd XV result from Kieran Smith and was able to ruck over Rosevaere. He was joined by Cooper who had almost finished a hot dog in the ruck. It was quite clear that the home defence had committed the offence of grabbing Cooper’s hot dog but the ref was blind to his desperate crying as the home prop stuck the remainder of the hot dog down his throat. Cooper stomped off the pitch to be replaced by Bill Robinson. As usual Robinson was pure serenity on the pitch. He is a master of the Martial Arts and of Feng Shui and his inner calm was wonderful to behold. Old Alleynians had no answer to it especially when the entire Folkestone team sat down, all of them in a full Lotus position. The home team couldn’t find the ball and then on a pre-arranged signal from skipper, Dagger, the team, as one, rose to their feet and sprinted for the posts. Alleynians couldn’t even see the ball as it flashed through the hands. Finally it ended up in the educated wandering hands of Saracen Steve Whitfield who had just been "talking" to Caroline Hurley behind the clubhouse and he somersaulted his way to the touch line and what he thought was the opening score only for the ref to award a penalty against Folkestone because they were “showing off”. It's not the first time Folkestone have lost points because of "showing off". Regular 1st teamers, Jon Morton, Richard Lama, Ben Page, Ollie and Ben Brooks, Scotty Evans, Richard Puddy, Mat Roots, Chris Petley and Seyhan Fell have all been penalised for this dastardly offence.
On the touchline Darren Molloy was beginning to lose patience. He knew this was the best team he had ever seen but there was something missing and there was only two men who could sort it out. So in the 33rd minute Molloy sent on The Enforcers as Steve Milward and Rob Hudson erupted onto the pitch. Hudson was first in when he heard that his opposite number had a kebab shop in Dulwich High Street and that was like a red rag to a bull as Hudson cut him in half with a brutal tackle. The Ginga Psycho does not like kebabs or the people who cook them! “YES, that’s the Whitstable way Rob, DO ‘IM” roared Milward. Luckily for the home team Milward and Hudson did not get involved in any of the play for the rest of the first half. But in that time they were planting land-mines in the Folkestone 22 and by the interval they had planted a complicated destructive network of the lethal devices. Giggling and clearly happy with themselves they rushed into the half time team talk when Molloy reminded Milward & Hudson that the teams now changed ends. Oops.
And so into the second half but Old Alleynians were nowhere to be seen so the ref awarded a penalty on the halfway line to Folkestone. Coach Molloy had dropped kicking star, Seyhan Fell, because in the previous match he back heeled a penalty from 50 metres straight over the posts. In his place Molloy placed the Welsh Wizard, Steve Hughes who was playing in his wellington boots. Folkestone skipper, Dagger, gathered his team around him before the penalty as he had a cunning plan. The ref handed the ball to Hughes who shouted over to Alan Schofield to “chase it boyo”. The ball zoomed into the air and Schofield, in his plus 4s, chased it as it fell into the home 22 and then everybody saw the skipper’s plan as Schofield took his 3rd pace into the 22 about to catch the ball for what he thought would be a glorious try. But alas, he had forgotten the minefield and he burst into the air eventually falling back on the pitch all over the place. His head fell on one of the posts and even though it was no longer attached to the rest of him it still blethered on and on and on and spat fig roll crumbs. But the ref had seen enough and he felt in the interests of safety he should abandon the game and award it to Folkestone. Later in the bar, Steve Cribbens was seen handing a brown envelope to the ref and wishing him “ have a good time son”.
Man of the Match was a difficult call. Before breaking down in tears Cooper was pure brilliance, new boy Selman put in a good shift and shows a lot of potential. But for me it has to be Adam Tolman despite playing on crutches. A genius.
Sorry no photos this week as Ken Matcham was at a cricket match! He's fired.
Folkestone hit the road running after a superb kick off from Christian Sangiuseppe. The bald,fat former lothario has a secret weapon that everybody fears. And today it worked a treat as the Old Alleynians line collapsed when he burped just before kicking the ball high in the air. The stench of garlic destroyed everybody it went near. Even 9 of the home supporters were rushed to hospital with oxygen masks firmly fixed to their faces as they fought for breath. The ball came down into the waiting arms of winger, Billy Usher who hit the Nitrous button to launch himself down the pitch. Nobody could get near him as he sped through the posts. Unfortunately Usher is extremely stupid and forgot to touch the ball down as he ran into the woods next to the pitch where he stayed for about 20 minutes as the wind got up.
Despite being down to 13 men and Alan Schofield Folkestone were still on top of this game. Old Alleynians took the 22 drop to clear their line but they were soon back in defence as new signing, Tony Selman grabbed the ball in his free hand. And despite brushing his luxurious bouffant he sprinted down the opposite touchline to where Usher was. A special Decontamination Team from the Chemical Warfare Department in Dover had turned up to thoroughly cleanse the woodland on that side of the pitch. Selman, who is no relation to 70’s actor Tony Selby offloaded the ball to Andy Dagger who passed it on to Dave Roseveare telling him to “deal with it”. And that’s what the Silver Fox did. Special credit to Rosevaere who interrupted a leisurely game of golf to make the trip with the Stones. Rosevaere made it into the home 22 before being desperately pulled down. Luckily Alex Ruddock had just given up with his attempts to get the 2nd XV result from Kieran Smith and was able to ruck over Rosevaere. He was joined by Cooper who had almost finished a hot dog in the ruck. It was quite clear that the home defence had committed the offence of grabbing Cooper’s hot dog but the ref was blind to his desperate crying as the home prop stuck the remainder of the hot dog down his throat. Cooper stomped off the pitch to be replaced by Bill Robinson. As usual Robinson was pure serenity on the pitch. He is a master of the Martial Arts and of Feng Shui and his inner calm was wonderful to behold. Old Alleynians had no answer to it especially when the entire Folkestone team sat down, all of them in a full Lotus position. The home team couldn’t find the ball and then on a pre-arranged signal from skipper, Dagger, the team, as one, rose to their feet and sprinted for the posts. Alleynians couldn’t even see the ball as it flashed through the hands. Finally it ended up in the educated wandering hands of Saracen Steve Whitfield who had just been "talking" to Caroline Hurley behind the clubhouse and he somersaulted his way to the touch line and what he thought was the opening score only for the ref to award a penalty against Folkestone because they were “showing off”. It's not the first time Folkestone have lost points because of "showing off". Regular 1st teamers, Jon Morton, Richard Lama, Ben Page, Ollie and Ben Brooks, Scotty Evans, Richard Puddy, Mat Roots, Chris Petley and Seyhan Fell have all been penalised for this dastardly offence.
On the touchline Darren Molloy was beginning to lose patience. He knew this was the best team he had ever seen but there was something missing and there was only two men who could sort it out. So in the 33rd minute Molloy sent on The Enforcers as Steve Milward and Rob Hudson erupted onto the pitch. Hudson was first in when he heard that his opposite number had a kebab shop in Dulwich High Street and that was like a red rag to a bull as Hudson cut him in half with a brutal tackle. The Ginga Psycho does not like kebabs or the people who cook them! “YES, that’s the Whitstable way Rob, DO ‘IM” roared Milward. Luckily for the home team Milward and Hudson did not get involved in any of the play for the rest of the first half. But in that time they were planting land-mines in the Folkestone 22 and by the interval they had planted a complicated destructive network of the lethal devices. Giggling and clearly happy with themselves they rushed into the half time team talk when Molloy reminded Milward & Hudson that the teams now changed ends. Oops.
And so into the second half but Old Alleynians were nowhere to be seen so the ref awarded a penalty on the halfway line to Folkestone. Coach Molloy had dropped kicking star, Seyhan Fell, because in the previous match he back heeled a penalty from 50 metres straight over the posts. In his place Molloy placed the Welsh Wizard, Steve Hughes who was playing in his wellington boots. Folkestone skipper, Dagger, gathered his team around him before the penalty as he had a cunning plan. The ref handed the ball to Hughes who shouted over to Alan Schofield to “chase it boyo”. The ball zoomed into the air and Schofield, in his plus 4s, chased it as it fell into the home 22 and then everybody saw the skipper’s plan as Schofield took his 3rd pace into the 22 about to catch the ball for what he thought would be a glorious try. But alas, he had forgotten the minefield and he burst into the air eventually falling back on the pitch all over the place. His head fell on one of the posts and even though it was no longer attached to the rest of him it still blethered on and on and on and spat fig roll crumbs. But the ref had seen enough and he felt in the interests of safety he should abandon the game and award it to Folkestone. Later in the bar, Steve Cribbens was seen handing a brown envelope to the ref and wishing him “ have a good time son”.
Man of the Match was a difficult call. Before breaking down in tears Cooper was pure brilliance, new boy Selman put in a good shift and shows a lot of potential. But for me it has to be Adam Tolman despite playing on crutches. A genius.
Sorry no photos this week as Ken Matcham was at a cricket match! He's fired.
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